Christlike Relationships

Relationships are a tricky thing aren’t they? I mean, I would have to honestly say that being in a relationship is probably the hardest thing any single living person can do in his or her life. I’m not just talking about a romantic relationship, although we can all probably attest to the fact that those are particularly difficult, but relationships in general—with friends, with family, with colleagues, with strangers and with people in our world… the bus driver even. The give and take of a relationship between two or more people is a delicate dance that all of us move our feet in. Am I right? This afternoon, as we wrap up our series in Ephesians before the year ends, I want to speak directly to you about relationships. Not that I’m an expert on relationships by any means, but because I can speak from my shortcomings and from the words in the Bible and glean for all of you a lesson that can be learned for all of us in the hopes that our purpose in lives can be fulfilled through the relationships we have here. I’m going to try to show you the practicality of what the Apostle Paul is teaching us here: that when we are in a loving relationship with God and because of that; an overflowing love with people by God’s grace, we find our purpose in life and it has nothing to do with career or socio-economic status. Rather, it has everything to do with the relationships we are in and the influence we carry on the lives of other people. It’s a beautiful thing. Let’s read: 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. – Ephesians 5:22-27. Before you get ready to email me about preaching from what seems to be such a misogynistic passage in the Bible, I want you to listen to what I have to say about this. Here’s why—a lot of people used this passage to subjugate women; but at the same time, both men and women allowed them to do so without reading the whole of the passage. So before you get into thinking that Paul hated women and if you don’t get that, the good news is that you’re not a Pharisee, but if you didn’t get that, you’re a heathen and need to read your Bibles. It’s always a double edged sword at this church… Okay, but seriously, here’s the first type of relationship I want to talk about today because Paul talks about it first. I don’t know if I’m right, but I probably am, he was writing this ordinally by the relationship that matters most in our lives (sans our personal relationships with God, the Father) starting with the relationship that only ends in death—a romantic relationship between two people. If you’re involved in a romantic relationship you need to listen carefully. If you’re thinking that you may one day be involved in a romantic relationship—marriage; then you still need to listen carefully and take copious notes. Verse 22 says, “wives, submit to your own husbands.” The word “submit” did not mean to blindly and stupidly do. No, in the Greek, it meant “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.” That is to simply mean: just go with it even if it pains you a little bit to watch your dude do something stupid! This for men is not license to do stupid things and make your lady endure that stupidity. Absolutely not. This is honestly a practical method to decrease the friction two people will face in a romantic relationship by one person “submitting.” I know, dudes love this part. But now for the women, have the dudes turn to verse 25. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Likewise, you dudes out there must love your wife to the point where you’d die for her—that is to put your well being at stake for hers. If you don’t have a man yet, you ladies, that’s what you need to look for in a “Christ-like” man. A “Christ-like” man isn’t a dude that theoretically is the most well behaved, although, being well-behaved would cost less in household items being destroyed by rough housing. A “Christ-like” man is somebody who loves the same way Christ does. Christ loves unconditionally and self-=sacrificially. You women marry men who will love you unconditionally and self-sacrificially. Men who can’t do that, that’s why you’re still single! The point of being in a loving relationship, or romantic relationship, is not to be in love and make babies. Absolutely not. If that’s your sole reason for “being in love” or finding “love” get out of here. That’s a stupid farce that Disney tells kids who want to become princesses so that they could sell the lie that leads into 50% divorce. You don’t think every single person who was divorced once loved the person they divorced? Of course they did—but that love they were looking for just didn’t exist. The romantic relationship, the loving relationship Paul is describing here is more profound. It’s much more deeper than passion and dandelions and picnics. Let’s keep reading, verse 28. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. – Ephesians 5:28-33 I want to stop here. Don’t worry, we’re not just going to talk about romantic relationships today, we’ll get onto other relationships that we can’t avoid or slip up with in our lives that we can’t get rid of and are stuck with the rest of our lives. But here’s what’s profound, verse 29 says that when we are in loving relationships that are engaged romantically we are nourishing and cherishing—that is what a loving relationship is—this is the act of making each other better. So when you are in a romantic relationship you love by making your partner better by nourishment and cherishing. If you do this, Paul says that you are doing like Jesus. If you do like Jesus, you know you’re on the right track because that’s how God loves and we know God is love. Did I make sense? Next type of relationship: parents and children. Yes because your parents were the root cause of you being as messed up as you are; and likewise, your relationship with your children will be the foundational cause of why they are so messed up themselves. I know, I hit a sore spot. It’s still raw, let’s read. 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:1-4 Again we need to pay careful attention to a single word that that often gets distorted. “Obey” is not to do stupidly. Absolutely not, this isn’t the context by which Paul is talking about—like if your parents who happened to be crazy told you to take that butcher’s knife and stab yourself, you don’t obey that. That’s stupid. But people will use it in that context and it’s wrong, it makes God look like a dummy and we know God isn’t an idiot. Here, “obey” means to take heed of, as be aware of what they are telling you and why they are saying you should behave one way or another. Now, if they ask you for something you should do it within reason. But what would be disobedient would be if they asked you to do something and you didn’t do it because you were too lazy. Also, if you’re still living on your parents’ dime, and they tell you that you can’t go out on Friday night, well, you need to follow those orders because you’re taking money from them. That’s another story for another place and a sermon for somewhere else. You get what I’m saying. Our relationships with our parents should be founded on “obeying” that is, not ignoring them or chewing them out, but seriously considering and speaking with them on a level that is respectful and therefore loving. You fix this one relationship in your life and verse two and three promises that you will be blessed. That’s from the Exodus, it’s true. Trust me. Verse four—here’s a note to self that you all need to underline—remember all those things you cursed your parents under your breathe about that drove you mad to anger and made you want to rebel and not listen at all to what they had to say? When you become parents, don’t do it. Simple, right? Yeah, you’ll have a good relationship with your kids if you don’t go off trying to piss off your kids by being frustrating. Next, let’s keep going. Last type of relationship I want to talk about before I wrap up. Yes, your relationship with your employer or with an employee. Now if you didn’t at one point or another hate the person you work for or work with or is working for you, then you haven’t worked enough and I bet you will one day. Like with all relationships, this is a relationship in our lives that we will never get rid of. Therefore, if our relational attitude in this realm becomes Christ like, then we will have found ourselves fulfilling our lives every so pleasantly with the love of God we were designed for. Let’s read. 5 Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, 6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. 9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him. – Ephesians 6:5-9 This is what’s important, verse six: remember what I said about intentions that come from actions? This is what we talked about two weeks ago and how I said that Paul was talking about living a wholly Christian life that comes from having intentions that are at the heart of what Christ’s intentions were for all his actions? You know, intentions without agendas? Well, this is what he’s saying we should be like when we work for somebody or am employed by somebody—they should be as if our intention for working is the best so as though God is our boss and that we’re reporting directly to Him what we do or did not accomplish through work. We give our best and our intentions are for the best for our employer even though we know that it may not be your employer’s intention. When you become a boss, your relationship with your employees should be clear—like God’s relationship with you, that you are working for God and that your employees are carrying out the will of God so that you must wholeheartedly work with him or her. So why spend an entire Sunday during Advent talking about relationships in the book of Ephesians? I said this in the beginning of the message and I’ll say it again. Relationships are the only things that we have in our lives when all else is stripped away. When our lives on this earth is stripped away, we only have our relationship with God to cling to, that defines us and fulfills us. Likewise, when all else is gone from our lives, we only have our romantic relationships, our familial relationships and the people we work for or with. These are the areas where we have the most impact and will do the most to sow the gospel. These are relationships that will bring life and death with our Christ-likeness. Let’s pray.