From Bitterness to Forgiveness

How to Hug Vampires: Part 2 We started talking about vampires a few weeks ago. The premise was that there are just some people out there who simply suck the life out of you. Then I threw you all for a curve ball and said that the person who sucks the most life out of you and everybody around you, is in fact, you! When the shock of that awe was over, there was a new outlook on how we should be perceiving the life suckers in our lives. Now, we move on from that idea to think about why in the world we suck the life out of people. Here’s the conclusion I came to after doing a lot of research—we suck the life out of other people because we’re bitter! The reason we’re bitter is because we don’t know or want to forgive. So let’s talk about that this morning. What is bitterness?

• Bitterness is resentful cynicism that results in an intense antagonism or hostility towards others.
• As an adjective, the word bitter means “sharp like an arrow or pungent to the taste, disagreeable; venomous.”
• In its figurative sense bitterness refers to a mental or emotional state that corrodes or “eats away at.”
• Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. – Proverbs 14:10

The foremost danger in succumbing to bitterness and allowing it to rule our hearts is that it is a spirit that refuses reconciliation. As a result, bitterness leads to wrath, which is the explosion on the outside of the feelings on the inside. Such unbridled wrath and anger often lead to “brawling” which is the brash self-absorption of an angry person who needs to make everyone experience his or her own grievances. Another evil brought on by bitterness is slander. Have you ever seen a bitter person speak so slanderously about other people? Maybe you experienced this in your work place. Samsung and Apple do it in their commercials all the time. Come campaign time, you’ll see everybody trying to be the leader in some elected capacity find the most slanderous things to say about their opponents. All this then leads to a spirit of malice, which signifies evil-mindedness or feelings of intense hatred. This kind of attitude is sensual and devilish in its influences. Malice is a deliberate attempt to harm another person. Here’s the extreme example of that: terrorist and/or terrorism. Here’s what the Bible says about being a Christ follower, that is, how not to be a vampire: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (Ephesians 4:31). The person who is bitter is often resentful, cynical, harsh, cold, relentless, and unpleasant to be around. Any expression of these characteristics is sin against God. I know I’m spending a lot of time on bitterness, but there is a reason why. I want you all to know the symptoms of it. I don’t want to say bitterness is a disease like being obese is now a disease. But I don’t want you to continue to live your lives, or live life and become infected by bitterness and not know how to overcome it. I think that bitterness is the number one killer of all relationships. Look on the screen again to Proverbs 14:10. You know your own bitterness. You don’t share it, but you know it, even if you don’t want to admit it. I know it’s confusing when the Bible says, “no one can share its joy.” The writer of this proverb is saying that when you are bitter or if somebody is bitter you make everybody’s life miserable. “The person who shuns the bitter moments of friends will be an outsider at their celebrations.” I want to go to Hebrews 12. This isn’t in your notes, but I want to read this. ¹⁴ Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.¹⁵ Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. ¹⁶ Make sure that no one is immoral or godless like Esau, who traded his birthright as the firstborn son for a single meal. ¹⁷ You know that afterward, when he wanted his father’s blessing, he was rejected. It was too late for repentance, even though he begged with bitter tears. (Hebrews 12:14-17) There is a parallel between living “holy” and being bitter. I am saying that there is an inverse correlation. The writer of the Hebrews says that people who are godless and don’t have any values are bitter or become embittered by the actions they take. This is the example of Esau. He was so hungry that he traded his birthright for a bowl of soup. Now don’t get me wrong, it could have been a mighty fine bowl of soup, but if you’re that hungry, you don’t settle for a bowl of salted water. You need to at least go for the buffet. I’m just saying. But look at what he did: he became bitter. He carried that bitterness for an entire lifetime. Just imagine living your life because of something somebody did or something you weren’t happy about. How many years you spent trying avenge yourself or trying to make yourself invincible. We must always be wary of allowing “bitter roots” to grow in our hearts; such roots will cause us to fall short of the grace of God. I know there are no botanists in the room, but there’s a reason the writer is calling bitterness a root. I have this saw at home. It’s a power saw. I used it twice at church, but the original reason I bought it was because I was going to do some hedge trimming and some gardening. But one afternoon, I brought it out to get rid of the weeds underneath my deck. I cut those things and guess what happened after the last rain fall? That’s right. It grew back up. It grew because I didn’t take out the roots. That’s the same thing with bitterness. That’s the thing we don’t realize. We think that with time those things are gone if we try to ignore it or forget that we have it, and then it comes back up out of nowhere. That causes us to suck the life out of people. Therefore, we must always watch diligently, being on guard against the grave peril of bitterness. Bitterness can affect one experiencing profound grief or anything which acts on the mind in the way poison acts on the body. Bitterness is that state of mind which willfully holds on to angry feelings, ready to take offense, able to break out in anger at any moment. God wills that His people live in love, joy, peace, and holiness—not in bitterness. My big idea: ¹⁵And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ¹⁷And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:15-17) I want to focus on verse 16. The word of Christ must dwell in you and me richly. Here is the word of Christ. We sinned against God. God did not become bitter with us, because we rebelled against our creator. It’s not like the humans who created the cylons and the cylons killed the humans. No, rather, it’s that we rebelled against God and he decided he was going to forgive us by sending His son to die at our hands to wash us clean. This is true forgiveness. That’s what kills bitterness. That’s what allows us to be thankful. That’s what allows us to sing. Therefore, we have to: ¹²Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, ¹³bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. – Colossians 3:12-14 So what happens when we love like God loves? What happens to those moments where and when we can become embittered? That’s right, they turn into moments of forgiveness. That kills the roots of bitterness. Now, I’m going to quickly go over what forgiveness is and what forgiveness isn’t. The reason I’m going to go over it is because we think we’re forgiving and killing the poison of bitterness, but we don’t actually cut the root out. Forgiveness, seven things it is and isn’t. 7 things Forgiveness is:

1. Canceling a debt
2. Removing a person’s control over you
3. A gift for them and you
4. Forsaking revenge
5. Leaving ultimate justice to God
6. Both a decision and a process
7. Genuinely wanting good for them

7 things forgiveness isn’t:

1. Denying or diminishing the sin
2. Enabling
3. A response to an apology
4. Covering up sin
5. Forgetting
6. Trust
7. Reconciliation